“Since when has being cheap counted as “empowerment”?…Hey, I’m all for getting in touch with the “inner goddess” by pole dancing you’re way to “new you”, but you can’t get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life.” — from Heartless Bitches International

A few months ago, a male friend of mine received some up-close and personal, x-rated pictures from a female acquaintance via text.

Background: said male friend is someone who I would label as a “nice guy” you could take home to your parents, is pursuing a wholesome career, has certain admirable character traits, the like. Female acquaintance of his apparently was involved in youth church activities at the same church growing up, had gone her separate way for many years and, recently been on one date with him.

I, being the curious person that I am, inquired as to the reason for the pictures. He said she was “just interested.”

(cue music: “sounds of crickets chirping”)

Well, dang! Hold onto your hats because in this day and age, the standard protocol is STILL for ladies to flash their mamaries and genatalia to potential partners! Let me go grab my cavewoman outfit…

If I really believed that being easy was the most effective way to let a guy worth being with know I was “interested,” I would have done it a long time ago. Ladies, we aren’t livestock for sale. We do not live in third-world countries where our worth is determined by how many offspring we can produce as property for husbands. And quite frankly, you are allowed to use your brains for more than coordinating outfits and reading fashion, home making or child rearing magazines. (These things are great, but really, there is more out there.)

The human body is a glorious, glorious thing to behold. Artists, doctors, and lay persons alike can appreciate it’s various functions and forms. It is a machine truly deserving of respect and reverence.


That doesn’t mean merely admiring the body.

Respect means realizing there’s a person attached to it, with hopes, fears, brains and beleifs. And to merely favor the body of ones self or another and what it can do for you as the worth of a human being shows a decrepit poverty of spirit, a lack of substance that can wholly be called shallow.

This means respecting physical limitations and disability. This means respecting the mind of that person and listening to them. This means respecting people of the opposite sex as members of the same species. This means respecting and loving yourself first so that you can say, gently “no thanks, that behavior is not for me because it dosn’t get me what I really want.”

Ladies: I am tired of hearing “I just want one man to show me they aren’t all alike.” It’s a thought I have entertained many times, and there’s some validity to it. We want a man to rise to the challenge of a real, loving and intimate relationship. But listen, waiting hopelessly and helplessly for a guy to come and “rescue” you completely relieves you from any responsibility for your own happiness. It doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch, it just means you have to believe you are a worthwhile person and have standards.

And, the kicker is, the more we keep giving random guys dirty texts, meaningless hookups, blow jobs and one-night stands to be liked instead of just being comfortable with ourselves and our friends, the more we are creating the expectation from them that “hey this is really all girls want and need. The one’s who aren’t this way are just too emotional and needy.” We are contaminating the pool of eligible partners, whittling away at the available number of men for ALL OF USĀ  and creating an unrealistic expectation for men.

Guys: Being “nice” doesn’t cut it. Sorry. We’re not going to let you get away with anything you want just because you aren’t abusive, or a jerk, or a mysoginist, because you have a stable job and don’t live with your mommy anymore. We want somebody who is assertive, has their own life and personality, doesn’t need us to to complete them, but enjoys our company and us as who we are, not their ideal hussy or trophy wife. While we enjoy getting dressed up and “lookin’ fine next to yo hot body,” we are more likely to hang out in sweatpants than lingerie, eat ice cream out of the carton, and want to snuggle on a regular basis than maintain a flawless appearance 24/7.

Please, separate your self-worth and ability to love yourself from your ability to get laid.

Of course, I have just idealized the heterosexual experience, because, quite frankly that is what I know. However, I would imagine some of the same things apply universally.

And, I must acknowledge one caveat. SEX IS IMPORTANT! It’s right at the base of the pyramid of Maslow’s Hierarchy! We obsess about it for a reason. Its worth exploring with a respectful and compatible partner. Humans are downright carnal, and we have to accept it. We also have to respect it’s incredible power over our lives and obsessions.

Remember: you are worth more than the functionality of your genitalia.

This post could just as easily been opened with the following amusing, but less effective and more offensive excerpt from another blog, and so I will leave you with it: “The first idiotic quick fix of the summer that springs to mind is ABC’s “How to Get the Guy” (10 p.m. Mondays) — a show that would more accurately be called “How to Get A Guy, Any Guy” or better yet, “How to Cast a Great, Big, Wide Net Like the Soulless, Whoring Sea Donkey That You Are.”” — Heather Havrilesky


“It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.” – Arthur C. Clarke (1917 – )

I get really tired of the disrespectful debate between fundamentalist religious groups and scientists, and end up being entirely dimayed by people who claim to share my faith. This is a post from a while back on one such discussion on a friend’s Facebook page. With some additions to the original.

I am a Christian AND a Scientist. I say this to preface all I am about to say, and will say that I firmly believe and have found support from personal study and inquiry that both creationism and the theory of evolution are NOT mutually exclusive. That being said, parameters must be set as to the language and terms of a discussion on this topic, that tends to anger and incite so many.

1. I am defining science in the following manner, source attached: “The observation, identification, description, experimental investigation [scientific method], and theoretical explanation of phenomena. Such activities restricted to a class of natural phenomena. Such activities applied to an object of inquiry or study.” http://www.journaloftheoretics.com/editorials/vol-1/e1-3.htm

2. If you were to teach creationism in place of evolution as an explanation of why life exists on this planet as a science or in place of science, you would have to be able to empirically prove the existence of God and identify the mechanism by which the world was created–in FACTS and data, not just personal experiences, religious texts, and convictions. Otherwise, creationism must be taught in a social studies, religious studies or bible studies class, or a special class devoted to the debate as to the different schools of thought as to how humans (and other organisms) obtained their current form.

3. Let’s get one thing straight: the word “theory” means completely different things when being used in the common or everyday sense and when being applied to science. In science, theory means the following: “The collection and synthesis of the body of knowledge of a specific or group of natural phenomena that is largely accepted as true and provides a foundation of further study on the topic.” http://science.kennesaw.edu/~rmatson/3380theory.html In the more common sense, theory is defined as follows “A supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be explained.” (google dictionary) Note that this second definition is not necessarily based on fact and rigorous data collection, analysis and scrutiny. Gravity, for example is a theory, yet we all observe it. Entire branches of technology (engineering & archetecture, satellites for cell phone/other nefarious use, aerospace/aircraft, etc.) are, however, based on it and we all benefit from these things in our daily lives either directly or indirectly.

4. Uncertainty is a principle that is common to both faith and science. Yet those firmly entrenched on BOTH sides of the debate discredit the opposition when they show uncertainty or unprovable things as part of their argument. Both faith and science rely heavily on things that we sometimes cannot normally see, taste, touch, hear, smell or otherwise normally experience. I don’t have superman vision and cannot see all the germs, viruses, etc that live on my skin and myriad other surfaces, yet I still believe washing my hands and food prep areas will keep me healthy. Yet, I have not proven it on my own. Science simply states uncertainty in the sense that “we’re going to assume these things are correct because all observable evidence suggests they are true. This allows us to move on and investigate this topic further. And we may prove ourselves wrong, but we’re okay with that.”

5. Genetics and DNA were mentioned. The mechanisms of genetics can be mathematically proven to show significant changes in the gene pool over time. This may be enough to create something that evolutionary biologists call “speciation” or the development of a significantly new form of life. FACT.

6. God gave me a brain, and I fully intend to use it to examine all the available data. To not do so would be to not make manifest fully (or as much as possible, because I am not perfect) the gifts that I was given.

7. You can’t pick and choose what you choose to believe about the results of the scientific method. Either you believe it’s credible or not. If you don’t find it credible, throw away all your tech, genetically modified food products, in-vitro fertilization techniques, plastic products, cleaning chemicals, surgical techniques, hope for cures for terminal illnesses and all modern conveniences because these things were not given to us directly by God, but created by human ingenuity.

8. Both science and faith present us with things that are uncomfortable and require things that must be wrestled with. Life experiences, prayer and bible study can reveal truths within ourselves that we find to challenge our currently accepted roles and beliefs within our lives. Similarly, science reveals things about the world around us that are not always compatible with our world view or current acceptance of the world around us. Galileo Galilei suggested that the earth revolves around the sun, a very controversial statement at the time that resulted in him being accused of heresy; this is not not only an established fact now, but the basis for further scientific investigation.

9. Both science and religion have historically mislead people, to gain followers, to gain power, to gain funding, or (as is most often the case) unintentionally due to poor interpretation of the information (bible or data, take your pick). This doesn’t mean that religious followers or scientists are evil or believe in false things.

10. Time: Both God and Scientific understanding have different time scales than what we understand. Geologic data is BILLIONS of years old. 7 days may not be the literal interpretation of the creation of earth.

11. Evolution, defenition: “Evolution is a change in the gene pool of a population over time. A gene is a hereditary unit that can be passed on unaltered for many generations. The gene pool is the set of all genes in a species or population.” http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/faq-intro-to-biology.html Nowhere in evolutionary biology will you find ” …and, quite suddenly, monkeys became human.”

12. To presume that God creates and manufactures life in a way I fully understand would mean I presume to fully know the mind and nature of God. I personally find that to be very arrogant. One interpretation is that science could be a mechanism by which God works in a physical world.

All I ask for people wrestling with the implications of evolution on one’s faith is that they simply examine and allow others to examine the facts and accept that the process of reconciling these things within oneself could take a lifetime.